"Assuming Positive Intent" vs. Lollipop Leadership: another perspective
I have mixed feelings about "Lollipop Leadership." As someone who considers myself an activist, I think there's a lot of people who think that we can simply effect change by "being nice."
And I think Dudley's talk capitalizes on that feeling. That if we just say hi to someone or smile we can change the world. Now, on the one hand, this is certainly true on an individual level. I myself was having a terrible day this week and was feeling down about business school I spent most of my week at my condo in DC with my husband to take some time off from school, away from my apartment in Baltimore which I share with two guys. My roommate, the doctor, sent me a text that said that he missed chatted with me in the evenings when he got off his shift. This was a great example of Lollipop Leadership and it definitely cheered me up.
Nevertheless, being nice does not mean one is an activist, nor does it usually effect change on the scale necessary for progress. Moreover, progress sometimes requires us to be "not nice" and to challenge the status quo. The civil rights movement did not make leaps and bounds because black people were "nice" and showed white people that they were good folks. They were loud and they were demanding. When we have large societal problems, we need more than people being nice, we need people to challenge and tear down inequitable laws and institutions because these are the mechanisms of prejudice and inequality. Unfortunately, being nice to those at the who are suffering (for whatever reason) will not have the same large-scale and lasting effects.
I appreciate Dudley's talk as something an individual can do to be a contributing/positive part of his/her community. I much prefer David Foster Wallace's adage to always assume positive intent because we never know what someone else is going through and even if the person is really just a mean person, our lives are better if we assume the other person means well. Overall though, I don't think what Dudley is talking about is leadership (or what I define as leadership), but rather kindness. Leaders are not always kind and they shouldn't always be kind. Leaders are people who make tough choices, who do unpopular things, and who are willing to not be nice in order to improve conditions for those on the margins.
